It’s interesting how we learn. Aha’s come by various means. Reading other’s work can inspire new realizations. Meditating can open the door to inner guidance. Friends can offer well-timed advice. Nature (even an adorable puppy) can provide analogies fitting to where we’re at in life.
Recently, I’ve gained great insight from reflecting on my past.
As I looked back, selectively sifting through past memories and experiences, one stood out to me. It stood out for two reasons. One, because it was a particularly good memory; and two, because it was something that had served me well in the past that I wasn’t using effectively in my present.
It was trust.
As a new Christian in my early twenties, I was eager to experience life in the safe, loving environment that an evangelical church offered. It was there I found true friendships with like-minded people; it was there I was first able to express my feelings and not be judged; it was there I met the love of my life, now my husband.
It was there I learned about faith.
Until that point in my life, I’d never really trusted anyone or anything completely (especially myself), but the all-knowing, all-loving God I was introduced to offered me the opportunity to try. I fully embraced the new feeling, like I’d been waiting my whole life for the experience of diving headfirst into new adventures armed with the confidence that my God was big enough to keep me safe and lead me to my greatest good.
I look back fondly on those first few years of my Christian experience.
I can think of so many times that my faith led me perfectly. I was naive then, too, and I think that helped. LOL. I was willing to do anything, go anywhere if I believed it was “God’s will.”
The particular memory that came back to me recently was this:
I was happily married with two beautiful little girls. We had just built a new house in Saskatoon. Ron had a great job. We had so many close friends. Life was good. Then one day he came home and said, “What would you think about moving to BC?” Without hesitation, I said, “Sure, if it’s God’s will.”
In complete faith, we listed our house and prepared to move. To sum up, our house sold in 2 weeks, Ron’s company paid for our move (found out later they didn’t pay for another employee that moved around the same time) and they sold him an older truck for a dollar! (we only had one vehicle and needed two). We set off—Ron driving the Uhaul pulling our little car and me driving the half-ton truck. We arrived in Abbotsford two days later having made no arrangements for a place to live. After staying in a cute little motel with a kitchenette for the better part of a week, we found the perfect house to rent. We found out later that the vacancy rate was the lowest ever and 12 other couples had been to see the house the same day we did. The house had everything we wanted and the best neighbors we could have asked for. We’re still friends to this day.
Now fast forward 21 years.
My belief system has changed; my God has expanded; I’ve tasted the kind of freedom that I couldn’t find in a religious system. I love my life more than ever…
But what about my faith?
Somewhere along the road, I lost that precious, naive, pure, innocent childlike faith.
Don’t get me wrong; I’ve learned some very important things: I’ve learned that I create my own reality, that my thoughts are vibrations I’m emitting, and that I receive back exactly what I put out there. I’ve learned that I am God, that I’m connected to All That Is.
But when it comes to trusting ME, the faith isn’t as strong, the trust isn’t as unwavering as it used to be. Bottom line: I threw out my all-encompassing faith when I turned my back on a version of God that turned out to be judgmental and inconsistent.
What is trust anyway? If you think about it, trust is really just Law of Attraction at work.
Two decades ago, I believed without a doubt that everything would work out all right and it did—in fact, better than I had dared to imagine. I got back exactly what I put out there. Somewhere along life’s path, however, doubt knocked on the door, and I invited it in, gave it a room and offered it dinner.
Now I want to recapture that trust.
I want to taste again that feeling of jumping off a cliff (I’m talking figuratively here. LOL) and knowing the parachute will not only open, but will take me on a scenic adventure, showing me life from breathtaking heights and panoramic vistas.
I want to have the same trust in ME (my Greater Self) as I did in the God of the bible. They’re one and the same. It’s only my perception that’s changed.
I have some more to say on this subject. I’ve received some interesting aha’s and I’ll try to sum then up in my next post.