(*Step 4 is part of Abraham-Hicks latest teaching)
2014 has been an amazing year of expansion—of wonderful, satisfying growth! I’ve been giving myself numerous opportunities to practice Step 4. I’m really beginning to not just understand but to practice UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (good-feeling EMOTION not based on or stemming from a condition). My ultimate desire is to feel good, to be in alignment, to be in those high-flying emotions consistently—all without needing conditions to change!
Still, some days I don’t find it easy to NOT look at conditions and be affected by them. Today I found myself momentarily focused on lack. (I have to say here that I’m making progress because now I’m aware of it sooner AND I’m able to observe it without (as much) judgement. YEAH for me!!). This morning, my thought process went something like this: Interesting, I’m focused on lack. Hmmm, that doesn’t feel so good. Source isn’t focused there, so I don’t want to be either. There’s so much good I could be focusing on, yada, yada, yada…
I was also aware—and this is a recent AHA! for me—that I didn’t just want to find a pleasant condition and look there so I could feel better (i.e. the morning sun shining in my front window, the taste of my delicious latte). That’s the way I tried to feel better in the past, but knowing what I know now, there’s a downside to that – like when the sky is gray or I’m out of milk for my latte. INSTEAD, I knew I wanted to find that better feeling FIRST, and then be inspired where to look or what to do! And because I’ve been practicing, it didn’t take long to do just that.
In the wonderful, delicious alignment that followed, I got some more insight:
I realized that in the past I’ve tried to avoid thinking about certain desires because thinking about them was often painful. I tried to protect myself against the possible hurt and disappointment. I subconsciously set up the association: Desire X = lack. That unconscious association sent out warnings: Caution! Thinking about Desire X when it hasn’t happened—and not knowing when it will happen—will bring up feelings of lack, disappointment and discouragement! Because of this I often went to great lengths to avoid the topic.
I saw how I’ve done this repeatedly, unknowingly. I’ve picked up what Abraham calls the stick (I gave my attention to a subject) and briefly glanced at the fruitful end. But just as quickly I turned my gaze to the other end, the lack end, and kept it there. Then I wrongly concluded that focusing on that subject is painful and somehow dangerous, and it’s better to stop looking altogether. Now I see what I’ve been missing. Now I can keep my focus/ my attention on the fruitful end of the stick and drink the sweet nectar it offers.
NOTE: I also realized I had unknowingly assigned certain desires more value, more weight, more importance—you know, the “big” ones. In doing that I’ve been holding them apart from me because I believed that within this “greater” assigned value lay the desired feelings of freedom, satisfaction, fulfillment and worthiness. (but that’s another blog topic)
Anyway, this morning something new/ different happened. In reaching for and finding a general good feeling of alignment (sans condition!), I quickly felt myself moving toward specifics. The words adventure and fun popped into my mind. I repeated them a few times, like Esther Hicks does, and soon thoughts/images began to appear in my mind. I’m assuming that because I had already activated thoughts of Desire X, these new thoughts/ images were also associated with that taboo desire.
Only it wasn’t taboo anymore!!
I began to think about Desire X in a whole new way! Instead of thinking about it and feeling lack as in the past, I began using aspects and elements of my desire to augment, supplement, enhance, intensify emotions I was already feeling (i.e. adventure and fun). I realized for the first time that the desire itself was rich with potential, dripping with opportunity to focus, primed and ready to take me on a very satisfying ride. All along it’s been offering me something absolutely wonderful. Only I couldn’t see it! It seems clear to me now that this may be the very reason we have desires—not just to see them manifest, that’s only a small part of it.
Our desires hold not just the potential for manifestation and ultimate expansion, they offer a direct route to what we truly want which is the good-feeling place—a place we mistakingly believe is beyond (and dependent on) the full-blown manifestation. It’s not!!
The idea, the possibility of Desire X happening (doesn’t matter when or how) holds for me an endless source of adventure and fun. I don’t need it to manifest in order to experience those feelings. It’s offering me so much right now. I couldn’t experience it with an attitude like: “This will feel good when it finally happens.” OR “I don’t want to let myself get too excited because what if it doesn’t happen soon, or at all.” Those old tapes have stopped playing!
Now I want to dive in and experience the deliciousness of all that pre-manifestation has to offer!
I’m returning to blog-writing after a couple of hours, and I can joyfully claim I did just that—I let myself dive into Desire X in a way I never have before. I went higher, deeper, further than ever before. I imagined things I’d never dared to imagine—took visualization to a whole new level for me. This time there was no fear of disappointment, no caution flags waving—things that in the past would have diverted my attention to the other end of the stick. The experience was pure joy, undeniably fun, and filled with delicious, satisfying morsels of adventure.
I tasted the sweet nectar that desire holds…
And it’s there for me any time I want! The sweet nectar is not the manifestation; it’s the realization that the emotional journey TO the manifestation IS the main event, the truly desired desire! This much I knew—intellectually at least.
The new piece for me is that I now understand (and can feel) that my emotional journey is meant to be taken THROUGH my desires not in spite of them. This is HUGE for me as I have been attempting to feel good while ignoring/ denying certain long held desires—and while I’ve succeeded to a degree (I do feel good much of the time), there’s something off about the approach.
There’s a great measure of FREEDOM and RELIEF in this for me, and what feels like the direct route I mentioned. No more having to avoid certain subjects, no more sidestepping potential land-mines!!
Finally, let me say that manifestation is great, but I prefer to think of it as a lovely dessert after a satisfying meal, a delightful by-product, a wonderful after-effect, a souvenir of a memorable journey. It may even be the proof to others, but it’s no longer the proof I need of the power and control I can have over my own experience.