An apology is definitely in order. I did something this evening that I’ve never (to my knowledge) done before. I stood up a friend – left her sitting alone in a coffee shop waiting for me for almost half an hour. I wasn’t even just late. I so completely forgot about our meeting that when she finally called, I was curled up on my sofa, in my jammies watching American Idol. For those of you who don’t know me well, this is not typical behavior (okay maybe the jammies and American Idol). But standing someone up, forgetting something I value as much as a latte with a friend? That’s just not me! I’m organized and always write my appointments in my trusty day-timer. I keep my commitments; my word, my integrity, is important to me. I’m very conscientious of other’s feelings and would never intentionally hurt anyone.
So what happened?
I could tell you all how busy I am, how we made a last minute decision to go out of town this weekend and I have a dozen things to do to get ready. I could claim I was tired and probably needed an evening at home to rest, so my mind subconsciously blanked out that appointment. I could speculate that maybe there was a greater reason for us not meeting tonight and I just don’t know what it is yet.
I don’t know the answer. The bottom line is: I let a friend down, and I’m sorry.
One thing I noticed, however, is that I didn’t react in the way I might have (probably would have) in the past. I didn’t kick myself around the block and back. I didn’t beat myself up. I actually didn’t even feel bad (sorry, yes, but not bad – there’s a difference). It made me realize how far I’ve come in my determination to feel good at all cost.
I made the decision a few years ago that nothing was more important than feeling good. I’ve honored that promise to myself and have continually found new ways to achieve and maintain joy in my life. One thing that has helped me immensely is the understanding (from Abraham-Hicks) that feeling negative emotion only ever means one thing. It means that I’m choosing to think a thought that my Inner Being is not willing to think. And the reason I feel bad is that in choosing to think that thought, I have separated me from ME.
So tonight when I was tempted to feel guilty or disappointed in myself, or when I was tempted to start to worry that I’m getting forgetful, I asked myself if my Inner Being would join me in those thoughts.
The answer was clearly NO!
As I focused on my Inner Being and felt the love that She has for me, the appreciation, the adoration, I felt joy. I felt inspired, too. I began to think of ways that I can show my friend how much she means to me, how I can now go out of my way to do something for her, to let her know just how special she is. As our friendship evolves, I hope that one day we’ll look back on this and laugh, share what we’ve learned, and even understand the reason behind what happened (or didn’t happen). In any case, It’s all good!